Last night, my sleep was rudely interrupted by a pair of shadowy brutes who quickly proceeded to toss a rough sack over my head and bind me hand and foot. I struggled for a short time, but I quickly realized from the incredible strength in my captors’ arms that my squirming was in vain. After being hauled about for some unknown time and enduring a short trip in what must have been the trunk of a car, I was once more carried by the thugs to some other location. I was dropped roughly on a hard stone floor and I heard a door slam, followed by the echoing footsteps of my captors as they walked away.
Someone helped me out of my bonds and I found myself in a stone cell with a hay-strewn floor. A naked bulb swung from the ceiling overhead. I was not alone. I faced a tightly-packed crowd of perhaps twenty-five people of all kinds.
Suddenly, from some hidden intercom, a sinister voice informed me that I would be released with my life on one condition: that I identify the person or persons in the room which had a religion. If I guessed wrongly or I could not decide by dawn, I would be executed in a way, the voice assured, that I would find most hideous. The voice gave me one clue as to how to accomplish this task: it suggested that I develop a definition of religion that would gradually eliminate those that did not conform, leaving only the true advocates.
I sat down at a wooden table where I found writing implements of various kinds. I chose the word processor over the vellum scrolls and clay tablets, as I was more familiar with it.
I decided to take a process of elimination approach to the situation and define what was not a religion. I thought that if I worded these definitions carefully enough, I could get rid of a lot of the impostors in the room. Here is what I wrote:
An individual who proclaims to follow a religion as I define it later, yet fails to do so in thought and deed and perhaps even engages in activities contrary to the religion he espouses does not have religion. He instead has hypocrisy.
Immediately after typing this, in a few sparkling flashes remarkably similar to a Star Trek transporter room sequence, several of the people disappeared. Pleased with my quick progress, I continued typing:
A person who has one or more loosely defined concepts which the person admittedly has little conviction in and has no sort of explanation for the concept’s existence, yet they refer to the concept with tones suggesting some deeper feeling does not have a religion — they have a superstition. Saying that one has a guardian angel, yet not actually holding this to be the case is as much a superstition as a fanciful belief in ghosts. With that, a Mexican peasant woman, a casino gambler, and a few others vanished.
A person who proclaims to be a follower of a particular religion and performs the basic tenets of the religion out of propriety or obligation, but not because the religion addresses some kind of inner need or questioning, does not have a religion — they have a practice. A flash of light enveloped a Catholic priest and a business executive.
Someone who subscribes to many of the same concepts contained within one religion or another, might not have a religion. If these concepts have been developed by pure conjecture for the sake of argument, if these concepts can easily be discarded when they cease to be interesting, or if the attitudes created by these concepts are easily interchangeable with other attitudes, then the person does not have a religion, they have a philosophy. This new entry caused Sigmund Freud and George Bush to disappear.
I was left with about ten or so people who may or may not have a religion. I decided to begin my actual definition of what I thought religion actually was:
To have a religion, one must include the following criteria and attributes: Religion begins with a form of catalyst which spurs an individual to develop a mindset and an attitude which will eventually become a full-fledged religion. This catalyst can take many forms. It can be a question (Where do we go when we die?), a feeling (I feel love and hate–I need to know why), an observation (There must be some explanation for why the sun sets), an event (My mother died. I think there is something about this event which I don’t understand), or a host of other things.
Then the person develops an answer which addresses the catalyst and/or a process of seeking an answer to the catalyst. For example, one could say “The sun sets because it is tired and needs to rest” or “In order to find out why the sun sets, I must sit and watch it every afternoon and one day, it will reveal to me the answer.”
Next comes the development of this answer or answers. The answer is fleshed out to an extent that satisfies the person. This, of course, varies from case to case. It can range from a simple conviction that people have eternal souls that go to heaven to a complex pantheon of gods and goddesses responsible for every possible phenomenon. The justification for these answers can be as arbitrary or as socially and scientifically plausible as the individual wishes. The complexity and the nature of this development is completely dependent on the context of the answer to the catalyst. It usually also passes through a filter of the individual’s society and culture, giving it attributes peculiar to a certain people group.
Having constructed a framework, the person now addresses their role within the framework. In order to be a true religion, the framework must have some kind of impact or effect on the person. The first effect is usually that the person constructs a method of practicing their religion, displaying in their own way that this concept is of value to them. Again, the extent of this practice varies, depending on the nature of the concept. A person may write a set of instructions essential to understanding the religion. A person might also decide that some form of worship is appropriate to the situation. For instance, a person may decide that the sun is so important that they should be outside all day long.
A religion is only a true religion if it permeates the person’s life in some way. A religion should affect a person in such a way that they think and act differently as a direct cause of the religion, when they know that they could just as easily think and act another way. When a person makes a decision, the religion should introduce other factors into the decision-making process that would otherwise not have been there. The frequency that a religion affects judgment is relative to the nature of that religion, but it is important that it does so in some way.
It is now commonplace for a person to, instead of creating an entirely new religion, find an already established religion which addresses the catalyst which prompted the person to look for a religion in the first place.
A person who does not include all of the above qualifiers in their religion does not have a true religion, but falls instead into one of the previously-defined categories or has a quasi-religion. Quasi-religions are sometimes known as cults, sects, branches, or liberal versions of another religion. This is just to say that a person can take a religion as far as they’d like and edit it as they see fit, but the product they end up with will not be the original religion.
I decided that this was an adequate description and I stopped typing. I looked up to see who I was left with. Before me stood a Buddhist monk, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Protestant, a Republican, a Satanist, a Feminist, and a Poet. The sinister voice came over the speaker, congratulating me for my success. Unfortunately, it informed me that I was going to be executed anyway because such a clever person as myself could prove dangerous to their organization.
The door flew open and a huge, black-clad executioner stomped in, carrying a rather large axe. But just then, with a smirk on my face, I announced that by my own definition, I did not have a religion. Blinking, I found myself back in my room once more.
You see, what I have is a relationship, not a religion. I encountered a Person Whom I became intrigued with. As I got to know Him better, He happened to answer a lot of questions I had. I do things out of love and respect for Him or because I hold His advice to be more important than anyone else’s. He’s my Savior and my good friend. He also happens to be the Son of God.